Human beings are multifaceted beings. We are capable of cooperating where it suits, we can be extremely social or be completely happy alone. There is no one
description that fits all as like our faces, no two are identical. Our life experience and education shapes our dreams and desires, but one base desire that we all share
is to procreate and help to perpetuate our species, or another way of looking at that is to pass on our DNA.
We live in a world where we have many different types of relationship, and here we are speaking about relationships between men and women. In western countries,
the primary relationship is between a particular man and a particular woman who create a marriage bond. They create a social economic unit and most often
have children. This is the idea of the modern family.
But we also have polygamy where a man has more than one wife and polyandry with a woman has several husbands. So, if we are to look at the different styles of relationship
between men and women, they come about through social and political needs.
Finding Balance, happiness and harmony
We all know that it takes two people to tango, and good communication to make it all work, but for innumerable reasons there are millions of men and women who just cannot build a successful relationship and then there are those questions on fidelity and open relationships.
The goal of these pages is to stimulate discussion on all the issues surrounding our more intimate life issues from how we live our daily lives, to how we communicate and enjoy real intimacy.
We are all born into and raised within a cultural group complete with prejudices and biases, so by the time we are teenagers, our minds have been programmed to match as best as possible and to support the values of the community. Of course today, there are countless sub communities within the dominant cultural identity.
One of the big shifts in identity has been evolving over the past few centauries and is still ongoing. This is the shifting power balance between men and women and the changing cultural, religious and social political scene. If you look to our prehistoric past, this struggle between men and women has always occurred, however for the hunter gatherer tribes, men and women have been fairly equal in status and rights, but with the development of agriculture, women became subservient to men and at various times over the past 6000 years they have regularly sought not only equality, but to dominate men.
The suffragette movement and the development of the media for mass communication has helped to bring the inequity into sharper focus and over the past 100 years, we have learned to talk about equity and to find ways to come together in harmony which is actually happening for some individuals and couples, but the masses are lost in a mire of doubt and uncertainty which emerges as fear, protectionism and hostility which is played out through the power games that our children seem to be mastering at ever younger ages.
Today we find ourselves caught in a trap, a trap created only in our minds which is created by our conditioning and compounded by social politics that most of us; if we can remember, in our teens we rebelled at to some extent. The rebels saw the hypocrisy and injustice, they felt and saw the effects of unreasonable and often uncontrolled force at work in their families and communities and sought change. In the 60's, the young got into flower power, yoga and meditation to seek the truth and reason for being and today, youth seem to have given up, they are turning to drugs and lies, learning to manipulate those around them for profit and drowning their conscience in alcohol.
Marriage is a commitment generally taken for life, yet it has a very high rate of failure and remarriage is a common practice.
You actually do want to get married and have children.
You just have convinced yourself that you don't want to because of the past and your fears for the future.
You are afraid you will want to get married but never find the one to be with.
You are afraid of being alone or always just being that great friend to potential candidates of your heart
In discussing the pros and cons of marriage, we must ask:
For Marriage to work, there must be:
- Does love matter?
- Do you want to get married?
- Should you get married?
- Does your family want you to?
- Is marriage necessary?
- Will marriage make a better life?
Things Guaranteed to Upset a Marriage
- love - is key and the most important aspect.
- desire - if you don't' have desire for the other, why bother?
- appreciation - if you cannot appreciate or admire the others qualities, why bother?
- trust - if you cannot trust the other, you are in trouble
- surrender - everything of your past must be given up to the new relationship
- a prenuptial agreement - simply because the legal systems in most countries damages people who divorce through the legal system
- need - if you are in need of saving, or whatever, get sorted before entering marriage.
- prenuptial agreement - while this is an important element for a successful marriage, it also indicates the marriage is temporary and at some time doomed to failure. Really you are damned if you do and damed if you don't.
- want - whatever it is, want can will lead to control issues and a disastrous marriage
- Infidelity - a sure way to strain a relationship even if your not found out.
How do you know you want to get married?
Marriage in most countries is promoted as the societal ideal and is the life aspiration for many young people who think that to have a happy successful life, you must get married, be a good citizen and employee, pay your taxes, have 2.4 children, keep your patch clean, and try to get on with your "inlaws'
So how do you know? Really marriage should be something that fits into the life plans for both you and your intended and that you both feel it in your hearts. Do know your own heart? Typically we learn by flirting, petting, dating, having sex, discovering what is fun and what feels nice, comfortable, and then asking, will my experience with this person satisfy me for a lifetime?
Should you get married?
No, there is no should, either do or don't. Should is when there is pressure, should is a political decision, should will make others happy before your happiness.
Does your family want you to?
It's none of their business really, although they generally have everyone's best interests at heart and your marriage the best solution they can see.
Is marriage necessary and will it make a better life?
This depends on one's education, life continues with or without marriage, the blessing of god, church or state is nice, but if the commitment to each other is real and strong, a relationship does not require marriage and life can be prosperous and successful without marriage. In business favour is often given to those of similar persuasion.
Why Do People Get Married?
There are many reasons and here is a partial list:
- It is the parents wish or will
- It is required by one's community
- They Truly fall in love
- They get pregnant/have a child and legalise the child through marriage
- Survival - to people who like each other often marry for financial and security reasons
- Two people sharing the rent and living costs survive better than one person alone
- Good companionship makes for a happier life
- Impulse - the Los Vegas marriage chapels cater to this market
Why Not To Get Married
Like for getting married, there are many good reasons not to including:
Other questions we hope to answer:
- Knowledge of the truth of ones life path
- Fear of Failure
- Fear of Divorce and its consequences
- Women are now finding that as they climb the corporate ladder, they can earn more $$, but have less time to socialize and enjoy sex.
- Will having an affair or hiring an escort keep your libido alive?
- When you find the man you want to keep, how do you please him?
- How to perform hand jobs and oral sex.
- Do you want to have anal sex?
- We know the physiology of our own orgasm, but what happens when you don't have one?
- If you feel less than comfortable or happy with your breasts it is possible for you to develop stronger, firmer, bigger and healthier breasts... Naturally?
- How can you control your weight?
- Would you like to regain hormonal balance, avoid hot flushes & night sweats?
- What to do when your man sleeps around?
- How much sex do we need and how much can we have?
- Do you feel your sex drive is to strong and you are seldom satisfied, perhaps you should make it your business and charge a fee?
- Why is that women can also suffer from impotency?
- What do men want?
- How to train men?